Combine Demolition Derby

Hook’s Holstein COW-bine has ruled as the most creative combine in the Lorain County Fair for the better part of 14 years. She has a tail the swings, detachable utters, red glowing eyes, She moos. When she is mad, she blows smoke out of her nose and horns. Back away if she lifts her tail, since she is ready to drop a cow patty onto the field. Her baby calf, a decorated skittish skid “steer,” follows her onto the field until it is time for the derby. Once the countdown ends, massive harvesters crash, smash, and plow into each other until tires are popped, belts clipped, and metal is flattened into mangled wreckage. The kids LOVE watching the derby with the entire family. It has become a tradition to help paint the spots on our beloved Holstein. The packing of the poop has become almost ceremonial. The fans all love her and cheer for her every year. The pit crew has been growing every year. They are easy to spot in the crowd with their matching cow shirts and cow bells to ring on all the good hits.

In 2000, she hit her prime when she won 2nd place in her heat, Best Appearance, and 1st place for the entire derby. In the 14 years that Uncle Charlie has run on the derby, he has only gone through 2 combines, making large sometimes costly repairs each year. After this year’s derby, our girl’s frame was broken in 2, only held together in the final heat by some thin sheet metal and battery cables. She will be put out to pasture for retirement.